Say “So what” to Your Feelings

What’s looming over your head today because you “don’t feel like” doing it? A networking obligation? Dry cleaning to pick-up? A conflict to face with a coworker or employee? Financials to reconcile?

We all know what it’s like to “not feel like it.” But when it affects our commitment to the job, our team, our family, our business, we’ve got to understand the impact it makes and reconnect with what got us to commit in the first place.

Commitment is, by definition, made up of the actions that support it. We stay faithful, we stay married. We do the work, we keep the job. We perform as a leader, we grow our leadership role (and, hopefully our team or our company). If we stop the actions that make our commitment alive, it dies, and what we’re left to deliver are empty promises. Yuck! This is where we kick in the emergency generators.

How to do that? Keep your word. Generate from your promise, not from your feelings. Consider that your feelings (i.e., “I don’t fee like it”) are irrelevant to your actual commitments. Think I’m harsh? Ask a marathoner if they “feel like” waking up and running 10 miles every morning. In the dark. In the rain. In the cold.

The Practice – Take inventory of where you’re disconnected and reconnect to your commitment.

Take inventory

Consider these things:

  • Where did you make a promise that you are not keeping? What is the cost of that? To you? To others?
  • When did you stop “feeling like it?” Where did you make your feelings matter more than your word or your commitment?

Reconnect

Think about what you care about—the marriage, the business-building, the company mission. Acknowledge that you broke your promise and then recommit, or revoke the promise and offer new terms of what you CAN do (always keeping your well-being front of mind).

  • Ask someone to remind you why you committed. Set reminders yourself…like a weekly meeting, a regular date night with your partner, or alarms on your mobile phone.
  • Enlist your team: own that you are disconnected and enlist their help in getting re-involved in your shared purpose. It’s amazing how much energy being inspired will drum up naturally.

Engage

  • Consider where you are failing, and then SHOW UP right there. Just for the sake of showing up.
  • If you still can’t do it, do it anyway. Integrity and energy get restored when you live into what you said you were going to do.

Think about your commitments and GENERATE your action from that place. Go do it! Say “so what” to your feelings and surprise yourself by creating something you have not created previously. After all, the bonus in completing what we were procrastinating far surpasses the malaise of procrastination. You have my word.

2 Comments

  1. Posted April 20, 2010 at 2:32 pm | Permalink

    What a fabulous post. It certainly woke me up to some areas of my life where I’m not really being true to my commitment. Sometimes continue to show up “on paper” in all the official ways I’m “supposed to” but the real underlying thing I committed to….well, I get sloppy about that part.
    I love the idea of remembering why I committed but also reassessing what I can realistically do or offer now.

  2. Regina Perata
    Posted April 20, 2010 at 8:31 pm | Permalink

    Thank you, Tara! I’m glad that this post spoke to you and I appreciate you telling me so. I just spent some time with “you” on your website and really LOVE all that I read about who you are and what you care about. Thank you for being a sort of sister-soul out there sharing yourself so authentically and freely- quirks and all- makes me feel connected to you even from afar. :) Plus, I’m from the Bay Area as well! 4th Generation Oakland, actually!

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