Flow, Baby. Flow.

Okay. Here’s the deal. I need to come clean with y’all. I’ve been keeping a secret. Yep. A secret.

My wife and I are trying to have a baby. That is to say, I am trying to get pregnant. Phew. There, I said it. Gosh, dang that feels …well, mixed actually.

Reasons I Didn’t Want to Go Public

I’ll get pregnant quickly and then it will be obvious soon enough, after the first trimester!
Truth: That was 5 years ago.

It’s important to have professional boundaries. Nobody in business wants to hear these kinds of personal issues.
Truth: People want what’s real. When I started this new business, Restoring Power, I did it so that I could be me in all ways; magenta hair, cuss words and sharing freely. I promised myself authenticity and freedom. The line of that “professional boundary” is no longer in the same place as it was before. Re-assessing is a good thing.

People will ask me all the time, ‘Are you pregnant yet? Are you pregnant yet?’ and it will drive me crazy.
Truth: This whole process drives me crazy. People asking me this question is the least of it. Sometimes it feels great and sometimes feels bad and I never know which it’s gonna be. See? Crazy.

People will start acting weird around us, especially if they have babies.
Truth: Some people act weird around us anyway. We’re gay- apparently it comes with the territory.

People will bombard me with intensely personal questions that they would never ask a straight couple who needed a little outside support getting knocked up.
Truth: Acquaintances, colleagues, and strangers have been asking these crazy-ass questions for the last five years now anyway. Turns out, it’s not always easy to keep this secret (like in the case of having to decline getting x-rays at the dental office: yes, while sitting in the chair I got “drilled” about whether I am doing vaginal or uterine inseminations).You can either drop your jaw or laugh outloud now. Either would be appropriate.

I Get It
Obnoxious as it is, I get it. Let’s face it, it can be a curious topic given my wife and I don’t have a man in the picture and two women having a baby out and open is still kinda new in the big, big scheme of things. So, I get why people ask. And almost always, I’m game to either educate or set my boundary. But sometimes, I just don’t wanna set my boundary or answer those highly personal questions (100 times- in public). Sometimes I lose my patience. Sometimes I get exhausted.

It Grew
Whats worse is that the longer I kept the“We are trying to get pregnant” secret, it turned into the, “We have struggled enormously in getting pregnant”. Which seemed like an even bigger, more important secret to keep.

The Price I’ve Paid
The impact of keeping these two super-secrets was that I was totally blocked in my writing, blogging, sharing freely, and connecting with YOU.

At first I wasn’t clear what was happening. It just seemed to me like I was too busy with the new business, no time and all. Then I told myself that it was because I’m not a writer and it takes me a month to do just one post. Then I came up with a great solution to that little problem; I decided to video-blog. What? I have to learn all the technicalities of how to do a video blog? I’m too busy! Crap. Full circle. Eventually, my reasons became absurd, even to me, and so I consciously went to work on it.

And the Light Shone Down
What occurred to me was (said in my very best Carrie Bradshaw voice):
Am I keeping the secret, or is the secret keeping me? (Insert SATC theme music)

The answer was painfully clear.

Since I’m dealing with all those original concerns anyway (despite my best efforts to protect myself from them) and I’m paying a big price for keeping this secret, I might as well just out with it. It’s been too long and too painful a journey not to (don’t ask, please- just surmise, okay?).

Flow, Baby. Flow.
This stuff I espouse works. It’s like freakin’ magic. You hide or keep a secret, you block flow. You let it out into the light, you get your groove on steady and sure. Me? I was blocked big-time thanks to my super secret-keeping skills. When I made the choice to come clean, I instantly felt free. It really was like magic. Since then? Flow baby, flow. Everything from my writing, to new business ideas, to my effectiveness with clients, I’m in flow.

So, there is it. My not-so-little, but actually not-that-big-of-a-deal secret.

Until soon,
big love.
regina
xo

P.S. No, I am not pregnant. That I know of anyway. But, I am hoping I am, or will be soon. Yes, we inseminated (for the umpteenth time). No, I will not tell you what that’s like. Well, maybe actually. But likely only over a nice bourbon (which I hope not to be able to drink for a long time). For now, we wait. We hope. We pray that this time it works. What’s different this time is that I’m out and I’m free. You can ask me how I am, wish me well or send me love. I’ll take it all. Just promise me that you’ll think twice before you ask me one of those crazy-ass questions that might not be your bidness, k? K.

33 Comments

  1. Sola
    Posted November 10, 2010 at 10:04 pm | Permalink

    Aw honey, the crazy-ass questions don’t just happen to the “two mom” couples, or to those who need a little extra help. Of course, you get to have some extra-crazy-ass questions, but then again, the women who get pregnant whatever way they manage it still have to fend off strangers asking to rub their belly while in line at New Seasons, or asking questions about morning sickness, or criticizing your choice of potential names. So that said…enjoy this feeling of freedom, and I love that you’re out about it, and prepare yourself for additional crazy-ass questions – they don’t stop once you ARE pregnant :)

  2. Posted November 11, 2010 at 12:40 am | Permalink

    Best of luck! Make time to be with your bundle of joy when they get here. They grow fast. Will ASL be it’s second language? Try to get a good med history of the donor. Hope your 2011 Christmas Cards will be a family photo.
    Be of good cheer
    Carlin

  3. Posted November 11, 2010 at 6:06 am | Permalink

    Regina, What a generous post! Thank you. And what an example you are to us all. It doesn’t much matter what the issue is, you reminded me that being authentic and open and true to yourself opens up a world of possibilities not available otherwise. While, (God help me) I am NOT trying to get pregnant, I struggle with writing, living full out, attracting enough clients or enough joy. You’ve prompted me to take a good look at where I am holding back, keeping secrets (even from myself) because I know you are right when you say that being open is ‘like freakin’ magic’ and who couldn’t use a little magic?
    My prayers are with you and your wife! No crazy-ass questions asked!

  4. Posted November 11, 2010 at 9:11 am | Permalink

    Regina! I feel like somebody just poured a bucket of water over my head on the shore of a lazy river and all there is left to do is chase the sunlight on their skin till I can reach it and push them in the water. I feel free. Free!

    You are so crazy-awesome with your crazy-ass questions and your crazy-generous outing of your secret and your crazy-strong voice about it all. You’ve inspired crazy-free, my friend, in your freedom. So much love.

    P

  5. Rick
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 9:16 am | Permalink

    Regina:

    Awesome! Loved the experience of you sharing what you are feeling so deeply. Truly that is power.

    Love to you both!

  6. Posted November 11, 2010 at 9:57 am | Permalink

    “Am I keeping the secret, or is the secret keeping me?”

    Love that because it’s true. I’ve been on a writing machine on my blog this past month as I’m committed to posted 1 blog a day. What I’ve found is the process of not writing and keeping your thoughts and feelings bound prevents the flow — being afraid/worried/etc. to let it out.

    Thanks for letting it out, Regina. Your words are too powerful to keep a lid on them.

  7. Regina Perata
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 10:07 am | Permalink

    Sola, I know, right?! I watch it all the time with friends who are pregnant. It’s really never ending is it? New perspective now: I can’t wait to get to the next level of crazy-ass questions or figure out how I’ll respond when some stranger reaches out to touch my belly. That will be a good day. :) Thanks for holding enthusiasm for me when I couldn’t last week. I appreciate you. xo

  8. Regina Perata
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 10:08 am | Permalink

    Carlin, thank you so much. I LOVE the dream of the 2011 Family Holiday card. Very sweet.

  9. Regina Perata
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 10:12 am | Permalink

    Cindy, thank you!
    First, it’s so great to hear from you! Your website looks so great. I love, love, love the creativity and flow (and yet ease in getting around and getting to what I need). It’s fantastic.
    Second, thank you for your love, your kind words and for reminding me that my sharing really does have a powerful impact on others. :)

    Lastly, thank you for your prayers – that really means so much to me.
    love, blessings, flow and sufficiency to you. xo

  10. Regina Perata
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 10:15 am | Permalink

    Yahoo! Coming from my writing coach and the best most powerful, prettiest, most get-down-to-it writer I know- this means so, so much. Here is to freedom!!!! I love you, friend. xo

  11. Regina Perata
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 10:16 am | Permalink

    Rick,
    It’s so great to hear from you. I think of you so much with lots of love and admiration. I appreciate your words… and your love!

  12. Regina Perata
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 10:18 am | Permalink

    Wow. I’m so impressed… 1 blog a day. You rock on, sister. I can only imagine how you would forced to see what blocks flow. Very cool. I’ll take a peek. What is your blog url?
    And, thanks for your kind words. I take it all to heart. xo

  13. Erin
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 10:52 am | Permalink

    Thinking good thoughts for you!

  14. Susan
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 11:29 am | Permalink

    A great big hug goes out to you and Gina.

    Lots of prayers too!

  15. Regina Perata
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 12:02 pm | Permalink

    Thanks, neighbor. We believe in the power of prayer… yours are really welcomed and appreciated.

  16. Regina Perata
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 12:04 pm | Permalink

    Thoughts are things as they say, I don’t underestimate the power of the good ones! Thank you!

  17. Karen Weisz
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 12:44 pm | Permalink

    sending good thoughts, big love and encouragement! And I laughed OUT LOUD at your crazy-ass questions. May your baby, when s/he comes, be blessed to inherit your wit, grace and humor. xo

  18. Regina Perata
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 12:48 pm | Permalink

    Ahh, I LOVE that you laughed out loud! Inside the laughing is healing and since we are really all one…
    Thanks for your wishes (and your continued support), Karen. You inspire me.

  19. Posted November 11, 2010 at 12:53 pm | Permalink

    I absolutely loved this and I applaud you for being out with what’s stopped you. Your post along with a few other timely words and videos from others inspired me to write about this very thing. Flow, baby, flow is right. I wouldn’t be at all surprised (and I would be incredibly delighted for you and Gina) if you become pregant in the very near future. Welcome to being free. :) Much love to the two of you!

  20. Regina Perata
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 12:57 pm | Permalink

    Lisa, Lisa, Lisa! I love you! Thank you for all of this. I’m so glad that this (along with those other pieces of magic) have inspired you. And as for this “outing” helping with a pregnancy… you know, it hadn’t occurred to me until after I posted this and now, I’m thinking like you! Thank you for your love and all the rest.

  21. Posted November 11, 2010 at 4:31 pm | Permalink

    Thank you Regina. I love love love this blog post. Your voice is so important and much needed.

  22. Regina Perata
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 5:30 pm | Permalink

    Thank YOU, Liz. I’m not sure if you remember… I called you this past summer while my acupuncturist, Liz Wallace was out of town and I asked you some questions about my current situation. You were so great with me and generous with your time. I’ve held you fondly in my heart and journey since then.

  23. Christine C.
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 5:55 pm | Permalink

    Much love to you both. May all your wishes come true. Crazy assed question continue even after birth. One week after I had my daughter, I was at the Safeway deli counter ordering food. And the girl saw my son in the cart, my daughter in the baby seat inside the large area of the cart…and she asks me, “You’re pregnant with your third already??” You can only imagine the thunderous resounding silence that followed by all those standing next to me waiting their turn.

  24. Regina Perata
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 6:03 pm | Permalink

    Thanks, Christine- for your well wishes and sharing your story. You make me smile. :)

  25. Posted November 12, 2010 at 12:32 pm | Permalink

    Regina!

    Love your post. The crazy-ass questions link is brilliant. Will you be adding to it as time goes on? Love it. Perhaps you can record your answers and install a button on your belly (of all places!) and play the recording for the crazy-ass question askers. I’ve thought about doing that myself many a time.

    In all seriousness – thank you for your courage in stepping out and speaking your truth. I love you even more for it. I can feel your passion in your writing. It’s inspiring, moving and powerful.

    I send big big love to you and lotsa juicy fertile energy vibes.

    Love you,
    Lora

  26. Posted November 12, 2010 at 5:01 pm | Permalink

    I’m so glad you shared. And so glad you wrote. Your voice is clear and strong and we want more of it!
    And I love this example of how we come up with 100 excuses why not this or that…whether or not those excuses are true.
    Hugs,
    Tara

  27. Regina Perata
    Posted November 15, 2010 at 9:18 am | Permalink

    Thanks, Tara. Thanks in part to you and our great conversation, I’m letting my strong, clear voice be well… strong and clear!

  28. Regina Perata
    Posted November 15, 2010 at 9:20 am | Permalink

    Lora, that’s a great idea to add to it as time goes on! There are already a few I realized I forgot (and they are FUNNY!). Thank you for all you wrote and mostly for your being one of my biggest, most loyal, bestest fans and supporters. :) xo

  29. Tammie
    Posted November 15, 2010 at 10:03 am | Permalink

    Talk about RESTORING POWER and inspiration…you are amazing! All my best to you and Gina on this journey.

  30. Siobhan
    Posted November 17, 2010 at 12:44 am | Permalink

    Regina!!! I LOVE YOU!

    I wish you and your wife all the best, and I sincerely hope beyond hope that the collective consciousness of everyone pitching in and sending good vibes your way, brings you a baby.

  31. Posted November 18, 2010 at 3:08 pm | Permalink

    Flow, baby, flow. Yes.
    Birthing, whether babies or writing seems to definitely be a labour of love. I so appreciate your sharing the secret and unblocking the flow.

    xoS

  32. Posted November 18, 2010 at 4:42 pm | Permalink

    Oh dang, girl – you don’t need advice on being authentic from me! : – ) You got this down. Way to go. Perhaps you could create and FAQ page for all those embarrassing questions and then just point people there when they ask. Beautiful.

  33. Posted November 21, 2010 at 9:40 am | Permalink

    Just saw your comment, Regina. I blog here: http://lamiki.com Would love for you to drop by :)

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  2. […] to keep being the change I want to see in the world.  I’m going to reach out to her and to Regina Perata and Colleen Wainwright and let them know I appreciate their willingness to be transparent and to […]

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