Wow. I’m realizing in this moment that it has been almost two months since my last confession, er, post (raised Roman Catholic). By now many of you have figured out why I’ve been away: I’ve been growing two human beings in my belly. That’s right… after all that, we did it!

Despite that fact that I am deeply grateful and overjoyed, it’s not been the bed of roses that I fantasized it might be. I know it never is… but boy, howdy, did I get dealt some tough knocks those first three months. Having been an athlete all my life–waking up before school every morning to swim, practicing my fiddle with broken/bruised and/or blistered fingers, rowing crew where more than once we trained so hard running stadiums we puked–I’m no stranger physical and emotional grit; to what it takes to dig deep, then deeper. But this? This first trimester? This broke me.

Feeling better now and true to form, I didn’t let it slip by without really milking what all that pain and suffering was for. I mean, of course it was for the babies. But many women have easy first trimesters, or mild to moderate. And then for a few… well, for a few it can be, dare I say, traumatic—emotionally and physically. Sadly though, we don’t give room to talk about pregnancy-trauma in our culture… it’s too dark/taboo and pregnancy is supposed to be about glorious light and life, right?

I digress. Given the experience of growing babies is different for every pregnant woman, then any sacrificing can’t just be for the babies, right? After trying for so hard for so long, so much heartache and loss over the years, I wondered what my semi-traumatic* first 15 weeks of pregnancy was really for. I couldn’t help but feeling that having my “dream fulfilled” being so painful was for something other than preparing for motherhood; something bigger than me.
* I say semi-traumatic because mine was far worse than most but certainly less than the hospitalization, dehydration, and constant vomiting some women face for an entire 40 weeks.

And so, a week ago, when I thought I could not tolerate one more day of nausea, vomiting, headache pounding, mind-numbing, depleted, emotionally spent, complain-y me, I went to see a Shaman. That’s right. A Shaman. A native healer.

I drove an hour to “out in the middle of nowhere” (which happened to be gorgeous) and felt peace the moment I stepped from my car onto the land. She, the Shaman, greeted me warmly. She smelled of coconut and peace. My pregnancy- induced, super-powered olfactory senses drank her in.

We talked at first, nature enveloping us. I cried. Exhausted, depleted. Desperate. Desperate for relief. Desperate to be understood. Desperate to understand. Fifteen weeks — 24/7– is a long time to suffer and be in pain, yo. There, I asked again, in the presence of the Shaman, her guides and the woods–the most important question for me: What the hell was it all for anyway? By the end, I found out.

Upon waking from the session, I felt whole. Instantly back to myself. Head still hurt and tummy growling (I was on the table for a while and these babies need food every 90 minutes), I felt like “me” again. Hard to explain really. The best I can do is to say I felt all the little bits of me that got lost or torn away (like little mini-traumas) came back to find their home inside of me. I was restored. I wept for as long as I needed—I had really, really missed myself.

When I made my way off the table, finished my crying and ate a bit, she began sharing with me the journey she saw, the healing that took place. After an hour of listening, in awe and deeper understanding, the piece that I was most impacted by was this: The last 15 weeks were, as I suspected, not in vain. My first trimester has been a Vision Quest of sorts–according to the Shaman. A Vision Quest is done in service of receiving information about something greater than us. It’s often done for a purpose, in a tent, on a hill… fasting without food or water for 4 days. It brings One purity, clarity and messaging in the face of suffering, pain and isolation. It burns off what’s no longer needed and leaves us with a profound insight to what it is we are in search of or meant for.

Gratefully, before getting knocked-up, I already knew my life’s work was to be of service in ways that help women heal. However, because of my first trimester experience, I have an entirely new way of being, looking and thinking about my service/my work/my offering. I can feel there has been a softening in me, and a wisening too. I see it with my clients, my wife, my family, my friends. Soon, I’ll see it with my babies. I’m clear now, after these babies come, I will be of service in a whole new way to women, particularly those who are suffering in silence or isolation. My own private Vision Quest-like experience (aka: first trimester) changed everything from the future of my business to my ontology (my being).

In the end, I believe I had the profound privilege of suffering. I learned more deeply about what is called for in the world, who I’m here to be and what I’m here to do.

What Does All This Mean For You?
After all that settled in, I got to thinking…the Restoring Power Organic Retreat is just four weeks away. And while it’s not nearly as painful as my first trimester with twins or a traditional Vision Quest, it is similar in some ways; it’s meant to be in service of something greater for you and the people you care about. It helps burn off that which no longer serves you. It softens, brings clarity, insight and wisdom to your whole being. It leaves you feeling restored, replenished and powerful beyond what you thought possible. And most importantly, it’s an opening…not and ending.

If you are hungry, ready, waiting…I invite you to consider attending the retreat. Truth is, given my new life, I don’t know when the next one will be, or if it will even ever look the same ever again. There are a few seats left at the early bird price (which ends June 23rd). If you have questions, I’m here for you to speak with and check it out. It’s not for everyone… but for those that have felt the calling or simply knew it was right (even if terrified), it changed the trajectory of their lives—gently, but powerfully.

Lastly, I think it goes without saying; the women of this July 2011 retreat will get a different me. An infused, softer, wiser, more powerful me to care for you, guide you and lead you to the parts of yourself you have buried or forgotten. Restore, reclaim and love your wholeness.

As always, thanks for listening as I share myself—sometimes vulnerably. Without you, my community, I do not exist. You give me my place to be in the world; you give me my power.

Love, love,
regina
xo

Turns out patience is a tricky thing. Proving to be one of the hottest topics yet, we Salon ladies dove into vivid conversation about patience; what it means, how we work with it in our lives, and who else might live in it’s neighborhood.

Beginning with defining the word, it was a little trickier than one might think. What IS patience anyway? Does it mean to wait? To slow down? To be in the now? See…? Not so easy, eh?

Breaking it Down
So, we broke it down. How would we explain patience to a 4-year old? You know, when you were little and your parents told you, “Just be patient!” Back then, we didn’t really know what the word itself meant but this is what we got: “Be quiet. You can’t have what you want. No.” Aha! No wonder this word turned out to be a hot topic! Likely a little bit of energy behind it our original understanding of it.

A Deeper Cut
Deeper into the conversation we looked at how patience isn’t always about waiting quietly, passively but sometimes it’s about taking action.
Stuck in traffic? Is there another route to take?
Waiting patiently for someone to get back to you? What actions might you take in the meantime?
Maybe there is something you are being patient about and it’s time to be done being patient about it (i.e. a loved one’s drinking problem, your neighbor’s bad behavior, something political you care about).

Deeper still, we saw that patience is about being with a pace that isn’t your own. Giving up control. Ooh, me likee.

The Neighborhood
Turns out patience has a few neighbors in it’s cul de sac, too.
Compassion
Acceptance
Endurance
Surrender

Making friends with these neighbors may help us sort out our relationship to patience in a more grown-up, less 4-year old kind of way.

In the end…
In the end, we saw that patience for patience sake, doesn’t serve anyone. Ever. It’s not really a virtue standing on it’s own. But when we take patience to a deeper level and reflect upon the power of how we use it (or don’t) in our life, the realizations alone can be life altering.

Thank you + April Salon + Invite your Friends
Once again, a special thank you to the ladies of the March Salon who made this topic so rich, interesting and insightful. I, for one, learned much about myself, my life and our culture.

Join me in April when Tara Mohr will share with us her take on white space: creating more of it in your life.

As always, please invite your friends, get them on the invite list here and they’ll get the next invitation (with rsvp link) when it comes out, just in time for the next Salon.

With love and of course, patience,
regina
xo

The Dark
We in the Pacific Northwest, Alaska, NorthEast and parts of Europe experience a dramatic darkening of the days each winter, leaving what seems like no time at all for light in the sky. And when the sun *is* shining, it’s likely covered up by low-level grey clouds and heavy precipitation. Those of you in California are like, “Huh?”

I was once that California girl, barely noticing the seasons change. I’ve been in Portland, Oregon nine years this January and for the life of me, I‘m STILL surprised by how my mind/body/spirit respond to the darkening of the days during this season.

The Irony
We are only days from Winter Solstice and for the last couple of weeks I’ve been feeling the desire to nest, stay inside, get in my jammies by 4:30 and sleep longer than ever. I’ve been feeling slightly withdrawn, a lot more still, somewhat reflective and mostly, a slowing in my own rhythm and pace.

And yet my calendar, regular days of work, busy schedule, and holiday plans were reflecting just the opposite! I was doing even more, even faster given the “holidays are upon us”.

Being the rebel that I am, (or, perhaps, just desperate to slow the pace a bit), I bucked my own calendar system and cancelled a few things all the while asking myself, “What’s wrong with me? Why is it that all I want to do is crawl inside to read, nap, or even just watch my cats sleep?” Weird, I thought.

The Flash Insight
And then, like a frickin’ bolt of lightning, I remembered (AGAIN) what time of year it is. In that moment, I could feel myself being called to surrender to the darkness. And the calling was coming from something much bigger and more powerful than my iCal (sorry Apple).

The Surrender
Nature designed the seasons for a reason (disregard the fact that that rhymes). The earth needs to get dark and slow down in order to replenish and rejuvenate itself. Being of the earth, why would we humans be any different? We are not. It’s in our nature to slow our pace and our bodies, hibernate with our families and go inward for winter, despite the irony that the darkest days of the year are also the busiest days of the year.

After my “Oh, yeah, it’s the time of year again” recall, I felt my entire self relax and give way to what wants to be. The awareness alone settled me. Then came the remembering and knowing that I don’t have to force anything into existence but rather ride the waves with grace (or grit, as the day may be). This is one of the ways I nurture myself and am able to sustain my love and service to others (and truth be told, my sanity) during this deeply inward yet very busy time of year.

The Hope
I shared this insight with my BFF and she said with a quick gasp, “Me, too! That’s right! I forgot. That’s what’s going on with me, too. I just thought I’d had a busy week. Or that it was me. But I forgot about the darkness!” Yep. Me, too.

And so I choose to share this itsy-bitsy insight in the hope that it may be a reminder for you as well. Or, that it simply give you space to “be” a bit different this year, even inside all the flurry.

Trust yourself. Nothing is wrong with you if you are tired/exhausted/less social (fill in the blank). Rest when you can, listen to your body and do only what feels right.

At the very least, I invite you to surrender to the darkness. You never know what you’ll find.

With love,
regina
xo

Our Restoring Power Holiday Party was a smashing success! It was full of amazing, incredible people (seriously, everyone kept saying to me, “Such great people at your party!”, to which I’d say, “I know! I’ve been telling you! I’m blessed!”), holiday music, an abundance of food+wine, and good cheer. And how about that harpist, eh? In sum, Gina and I were on high for days after.

What was most memorable however, was the brief but powerful piece we did on 2010 gratitudes~ family style.
For those that were not there, here’s how it went:
Each guest was asked to write on a small piece of paper what they are most grateful for in 2010. No name included. Then, drop it in the community jar. Later, we all gathered around and took turns pulling one random piece of paper and reading what was on it. In the end, each person’s gratitude got expressed through the community, amplifying it’s potency among us.

It was a gorgeous evening and for those that could not make it, we held you in spirit.

Below are images of the evening: the personal gratitude notes along with the party room before the party. All the photos I took with people in them came out blurry! Hopefully this “before the party pic” will bring back warm memories, nonetheless.

Here’s to you all. For who you are. What you do. And the life you give.

May 2011 bring us all the opportunity to give what’s most important for us to give, and to strengthen what it takes (courage, surrender, vulnerability) to receive all that we need + want to receive.

Happy Holidays!
Love, Love.
regina
xo

Lastly, here are the (exact) written versions of each and every person’s gratitude note. Take a moment and breathe in all that you and your community are grateful for.

My breath
My openness to the creative
For my family
For my health
For my life!

I’m ever so grateful for sooo much…
1. My heath
2. Family
3. Regina and my new support structure

Light
On
Earth

I’m grateful for my clients, colleagues, friends and spouse- all who MADE 2010 be laughable and livable. Xo

I’m thankful for this season of life where blessings are pouring in from every direction- relationally, professionally, spiritually, intellectually, personally.

I’m grateful for the surprise support from my Loved ones in a time of need. I am grateful for the opportunity to also be there for them.

Gratitude,
For a World that is large and varied and infinite in it’s love. ☺

I am grateful for the abundance of love in my life!

Grateful for my family and friends both near and far. They all help make each day better.

I am grateful for confusion that leads to seeking clarity.

Freedom from old stories. And the ability to create moment by moment.

Those who cheer me onward, my family, all of you. ☺

I am grateful for good friends to celebrate this season with.

I am grateful for living in the trees by Forest Park, my family and new friendships.

Family + Health

Big Change
And New Beginnings
New Adventures.

Danielle
Umbrellas
Airplanes

becoming my own boss- and finding time to give back again!

So grateful I’ve landed somewhere that feels so totally like home. ☺

being home.

The love and support of friends and family. Being surrounded by such amazing people and energy.

2010-
I’m grateful for my health. MacGregors endless capacity to LOVE me, and a round trip ticket to Bali.

I am grateful for my mom’s successful kidney transplant. ☺

the shadows & light
bringing love, honesty
and growth to my heart.

Love
Opportunity
Friends
Surprise
Joy
Memory

Finally have a good job in my field again.

I am grateful for my wife (new) and family.

My family and friends
My beautiful home
My wonderful clients
Portland, best city I’ve ever known.

I am unbelievably grateful for health…
The health of my family, my friends, my relationships, and my business– & knowing “I” have to stay healthy to enjoy it all!!

This blog is written by guest blogger, Tara Mohr, writer, personal growth teacher and coach.

I appreciate the term self-care, I really do. I understand the need for some word in our language that means something along these lines.

But that phrase, self-care, has always turned me off. It reminds me of college, where all counseling services were run out of the office of “Mental Hygiene.” I kid you not, that’s what it was called. You walked through a door with a sign that said “Mental Hygiene” at the top.

Self-care, the term, with the little hypen and all, feels too technical, too jargony. It feels like this is something we should do along with a breast self-exam, like posters for both should be side by side on doctors walls, pink explanatory cartoons and all.

In my writing, in my life, in my coaching practice, I’ve invented new terms, new concepts, ones that are more evocative. Ones that feel as sacred and layered and rich as it is to hold ourselves in love, to give ourselves all that will allow us to be safe, to thrive, to fulfill our own happiness.

One of those concepts is The Outer Heart. I’m excited to share it with all of you.

The Outer Heart

All of us receive a heart that holds our wounds and our hopes, but it is up to each of us to make the heart that holds our heart—the outer heart.

The outer heart is a shell, a vessel, a landing pad for all that happens in the heart. It can be soft or hard, pliant or rigid, made of clouds or gravel or nails or emeralds, depending on you.

The outer heart absorbs shocks to the heart–repels or dissolves or amplifies them, depending on what you have built.

All of us are given hearts that are vulnerable to the elements, but we must learn how to make the medicine and balms that rest in our outer hearts.

When your heart feels or speaks or leaps or lunges, how do you receive it? What kind of outer heart have you made?

Of course, the outer heart is always sending a message to the heart about the heart’s value. The outer heart is always saying something to you about who you are.

The outer heart is always where suffering begins, or where it can be circumvented. It’s all about how we hold our hearts.

What is your outer heart like now? A courtroom with judge and jury? An open field, a war zone? A warm blanket providing soft insulation? A carefully woven basket? What is this container porous to and what is protected?

What do you want your outer heart to be? What do you want it to provide?

What would it mean today, to begin to act with that outer heart, the one you desire? To hold all that happens in your heart like you hold a loved one, a cherished one? To bring the wise love you possess to your heart?

Love,

Tara

Tara Mohr is a writer, personal growth teacher and coach who helps people access their own inner wisdom. For more, visit her blog at www.wiselivingblog.com

By Guest blogger, Dayna Reader

I grew up watching the kind of movies in which couples met, fell in love and lived happily ever after. Love was portrayed as this big, magical feeling; it was out there waiting, you just had to find it and snap it up, and life would be great. I don’t remember seeing a movie that showed these couples dealing with real life issues 2, 10 or 50 years after their Happily Ever After. Try as I might, I can’t imagine Cinderella struggling with post-partum depression or alcoholism, or Prince Charming experiencing job loss or erectile dysfunction. And something tells me that “Belle and The Beast Go to Couples Counseling” or “Snow White Doesn’t Feel Like Having Sex Anymore” wouldn’t sell a lot of tickets.

So we’re raised to search for that perfect fairy tale love, and to believe that loving each other is enough. But loving someone and being successful in a long-term committed relationship are two different things. After 19 years with my own partner, I’ve come to believe that love is necessary, but not sufficient in and of itself to make a relationship last. There was a time in our relationship when, despite the love that existed between us, we just couldn’t connect meaningfully and we found our relationship falling apart. Like many couples, we had our One Big Issue that we couldn’t seem to resolve. So we ended up fighting about it every 6 months or so, which was always incredibly painful for both of us. It took us a long time (and some good therapy) to figure out that on it’s own, all of the love we had for each other wasn’t enough to get us through the really rough spots, or to keep us together. This realization was a huge turning point for us.

Maybe this is what it comes down to: if you’re expecting life and love to be like it is in the fairy tales, you’re going to be disappointed. Falling in love is the beginning, not the end of your story as a couple. Real life intimate relationships that last build on that initial romantic love with friendship, honesty, trust, perseverance, tolerance of each other’s flaws and differences, the ability to see the other person’s perspective as valid (especially when you disagree), the willingness to hold each other up during hard times, the willingness to be vulnerable, and most of all, the choice to continue working on the relationship so that it fulfills both of you for many years.

So if you’re going to stand up together and say “for better or for worse, and ‘til death do us part,” remember what that means. There will be lots and lots of “for better,” but I can guarantee that the “for worse” part will come eventually, and it may come over and over again. That’s when you’ll be called upon to make the choice to hold onto each other. And that choice is much, much bigger than simply loving each other. That choice is everything. That is what Happily Ever After really looks like.

Guest blogger Dayna Reader lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her True Love, 2 great kids and a tabby cat. She’s a full-time Mom, with a part-time private practice as a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, specializing in couples counseling. She can be reached at her website or by email at DaynaReaderLMFT@yahoo.com She hopes that you find your genuine Happily Ever After.