This month marks one year since the official launch of Restoring Power. Whoo hoo! For close to a decade before that, I was a business consultant & coach but after an opportunity to reevaluate my work, my life, my offer to the world, I went back to my roots and am now doing different work all together. Work I love. Work I am meant to be doing. Hallelujah!

It takes a while for one’s business identity to shift, I’m learning. In the last four or five months alone I’ve had at least three requests to do my former consulting work and at least three or four requests for referrals (to other people) for the work that I do today.

Then, I came across this blog post I had book marked from the fabulous Naomi Dunford and realized… perfect. Take a gander and see what you think. Maybe you’ll even play along and write your own?!

The gist? Let people in on the nitty gritty of what you do. No fancy marketing language or spin. Just straight up answer the questions she poses. Make it easy for people to know who you are what you do.

Here’s how to play (in the exact words of Ms. Dunford): 

Go find a cup or glass. Fill it with something.

Copy the questions below into some kind of document.

Stare vacantly into the distance for a while. Check Twitter a couple times. Take the laundry out of the washing machine before it starts getting moldy.

Answer the questions and put them onto your blog with some kind of introductory information.

Click publish.

Eat some cake.

So… here I go. Cuz, you know, I like cake.

What’s your game? What do you do?
I am a counselor/coach/healer type. I work with individuals and couples and groups; mostly women but I love my men. I work:
- in private sessions in my NE Portland office
- 6-8 week evening group sessions
- 3-day organic healing retreats in the woods

I’m interested in people restoring their personal power and being free. I do this by either helping to heal a traumatic past or by supporting them in telling the truth about things they may not want to tell the truth about. I help people understand their shadow side, their dark side; their lower selves. Why? So that they can live in their wholeness- their light, their dark, all of it. We all have a dark side; when we hide it, we only are living half-way, feeling numb or depressed and wondering why. Accessing our dark side allows us to be free, powerful and authentic.

I use Somatics (the idea that the body holds our history and is a living intelligence, in fact, it never lies), along with more traditional types of “talk therapy”, and lastly I occasionally use my intuition and Reiki (energy work)– all to support the overall outcome for my peeps.

Why do you do it? Do you love it, or do you just have one of those creepy knacks?
It took me a long, long time to realize how lucky I am here: I love it AND I have a knack. A gift even. Since I was little, I was helping people get free. I just had to do much of my own personal work to really, fully own it.

Who are your customers? What kind of people would need or want what you offer?
My clients tend to fall into two camps. They are either strong women/leader types or creatives/artists types. Sometimes both. Occasionally neither.

The people who love my work are people who
- feel they are missing something in the way they are living/experiencing their life
- feel anxiety or panic more than they want to
- are having difficulty being related in the way they want to (boss, colleages, lovers, friends)
- feel sad, numb, or depressed but not sure why
- want to increase their personal power and effectiveness

What’s your marketing USP? Why should I buy from you instead of the other losers? (*Reminder: these are Naomi’s words, not mine)
While I have a lifetime of learning ahead of me, I’m really good at what I do (it’s taken some maturing and time to be able to say that). I know this because I’ve done my own work with therapist/healer types and I know what’s out there. I’ve trained with and collaborated with some of the best of the best.

Most important though, my clients have said these things:

- I worked with a therapist for 10 years and I didn’t get at half the stuff we got at in your retreat.
- I’m 45 years old, I’ve done tons of personal work, leadership trainings and yet I never had the
experience of healing the really deep stuff and feeling free until my work with you.
- I just got–in 5 sessions with you–what I tried to get for 5 years with my last therapist.

So, yeah. That’s cool. And humbling, to say the least.

So, why else? Well, I’ve done my work. Once I was interviewing therapists–I interviewed about six total– and I was shocked to learn that the majority of them had been practicing over 20 years and had never seen a therapist themselves. What the ? Is that weird or what? Nor had they looked at their own dark side, healed their relationship with their parents (yes, we all get to do some level of this at some point), or assessed the impact of their super strengths or challenges. Me? I’ve done all that and then some. And I don’t plan to stop. It’s a way of life for me. No joke.

Lastly, there’s nothing I can’t be with. I have an enormous capacity to hold anything; working with people and their dark sides, I’ve seen and heard more than you could probably imagine. By grace, I really get humanity at a very deep level. It’s an honor that I am grateful for every day.

What’s next for you? What’s the big plan?
I love my work. I love my sessions, groups and retreats. I plan to keep doing more of the same there.
I want to be a mama. I’m on that journey. I’ve already learned so much about patience, love, surrender. I’m ready.

Last but certainly not least, in a really big, big picture sort of way… (can’t believe I’m going to write this outloud- gulp), I feel I’m on a path to being a spiritual teacher of sorts. I was reminded recently that the Dalai Lama prophesied it would be Western Women who save the world. If I’m walking my talk, that means it’s not just all those other western women out there (wink); it’s me too.

Time to step up.

Well, we did it. In the February Salon, we took on one of the most complex yet fundamental topics, Love.

Last night’s salon discussion was in fact, lovely and unique. With homemade soup, champagne, pink cupcakes and a quiet fire, I expressed my love for my guests with nurturing, food and warmth. The women were, as always, special, insightful and heartfelt. They shared openly and intimately.

The discussion itself went everywhere from loving our neighbors to rage with our spouse. We talked about what it means to love, our complex relationships with our mothers, being mothers, the vulnerability of receiving love (oy!), and practices for expanding and growing our capacity for love. In the end, we each shared our take-aways. I think it’s fair to say, each one of us was moved and left with a potent insight we didn’t have when we came in to the evening. Yep, we went big. And it was good.

Thank you to all the women who joined in the conversation yesterday evening (special shout out to resident expert, Paula Love). It was simply an amazing evening. I continue to feel so blessed as to have such a rich a life as this. It’s you all who make it that way.

In March, we’ll have a special Salon for women 45 or better. In April we’ll have guest speaker Tara Moher, of Wise Living (Twitter: @tarasophia). She’ll be here from San Francisco to share with us her juicy goodness on making “white space” in our lives. You won’t wanna miss.

My humblest thanks, and of course,
All my love,
regina
xo

Our Restoring Power Holiday Party was a smashing success! It was full of amazing, incredible people (seriously, everyone kept saying to me, “Such great people at your party!”, to which I’d say, “I know! I’ve been telling you! I’m blessed!”), holiday music, an abundance of food+wine, and good cheer. And how about that harpist, eh? In sum, Gina and I were on high for days after.

What was most memorable however, was the brief but powerful piece we did on 2010 gratitudes~ family style.
For those that were not there, here’s how it went:
Each guest was asked to write on a small piece of paper what they are most grateful for in 2010. No name included. Then, drop it in the community jar. Later, we all gathered around and took turns pulling one random piece of paper and reading what was on it. In the end, each person’s gratitude got expressed through the community, amplifying it’s potency among us.

It was a gorgeous evening and for those that could not make it, we held you in spirit.

Below are images of the evening: the personal gratitude notes along with the party room before the party. All the photos I took with people in them came out blurry! Hopefully this “before the party pic” will bring back warm memories, nonetheless.

Here’s to you all. For who you are. What you do. And the life you give.

May 2011 bring us all the opportunity to give what’s most important for us to give, and to strengthen what it takes (courage, surrender, vulnerability) to receive all that we need + want to receive.

Happy Holidays!
Love, Love.
regina
xo

Lastly, here are the (exact) written versions of each and every person’s gratitude note. Take a moment and breathe in all that you and your community are grateful for.

My breath
My openness to the creative
For my family
For my health
For my life!

I’m ever so grateful for sooo much…
1. My heath
2. Family
3. Regina and my new support structure

Light
On
Earth

I’m grateful for my clients, colleagues, friends and spouse- all who MADE 2010 be laughable and livable. Xo

I’m thankful for this season of life where blessings are pouring in from every direction- relationally, professionally, spiritually, intellectually, personally.

I’m grateful for the surprise support from my Loved ones in a time of need. I am grateful for the opportunity to also be there for them.

Gratitude,
For a World that is large and varied and infinite in it’s love. ☺

I am grateful for the abundance of love in my life!

Grateful for my family and friends both near and far. They all help make each day better.

I am grateful for confusion that leads to seeking clarity.

Freedom from old stories. And the ability to create moment by moment.

Those who cheer me onward, my family, all of you. ☺

I am grateful for good friends to celebrate this season with.

I am grateful for living in the trees by Forest Park, my family and new friendships.

Family + Health

Big Change
And New Beginnings
New Adventures.

Danielle
Umbrellas
Airplanes

becoming my own boss- and finding time to give back again!

So grateful I’ve landed somewhere that feels so totally like home. ☺

being home.

The love and support of friends and family. Being surrounded by such amazing people and energy.

2010-
I’m grateful for my health. MacGregors endless capacity to LOVE me, and a round trip ticket to Bali.

I am grateful for my mom’s successful kidney transplant. ☺

the shadows & light
bringing love, honesty
and growth to my heart.

Love
Opportunity
Friends
Surprise
Joy
Memory

Finally have a good job in my field again.

I am grateful for my wife (new) and family.

My family and friends
My beautiful home
My wonderful clients
Portland, best city I’ve ever known.

I am unbelievably grateful for health…
The health of my family, my friends, my relationships, and my business– & knowing “I” have to stay healthy to enjoy it all!!

I’ve worked with countless powerful women — from executive to artist to athlete — and I can say for certain, we as a group are atrocious at getting our fundamental needs met. Daily needs? No problem. Deep fundamental needs? Not so much. Women—particularly successful, “with-it” women—have an uncanny ability to ignore,
 disable, and deny the needs they are most hungry for.

“But, I know how to delegate!”, you say. Or, “I just do it myself. Gets done better and faster anyway.” Yes, yes. I know. I do! I get it.

Hang in here with me. I think you’re gonna like this. Well, maybe “like” isn’t exactly the right word.

Do you really want what you think you want?
Here’s the thing: at best, we are somewhat blind to what our real needs are. At worst, we are defensive or delusional about our needs. Yep. You heard me. Defensive or delusional. Sometimes both. What we think we need, we may not actually need. And what we really need, we may be blind to.

Exhibit A
We think we need the laundry done.
We think we need our partner to be more involved in the kids life or chores.
We think we need our colleague to pull more of her own weight.
We think we need that person or thing outside of us to just change.
And if we are really enlightened, we even admit that we need to be in control.

And that’s all good. Really. Those things all have a place.

However, ever notice how once those things are done and those needs are met, it’s only an embarrassingly short period of time before the next thing needs doing? And before you have some, let’s say (clears throat), “energy” around it?

Why, pray tell? Because those needs you are asking to get met are not really going to feed you (but your reptilian brain or lower self thinks they will). In fact, you might even be blind to what you are truly hungry for. Kinda like when your body wants good fruits and veggies but you can’t tell because you’ve had so many eggnog lattes that day you wouldn’t know what your body needed if it told you in a neon sign across your forehead? Yeah. Like that.

Here’s the bad news: the more you try to get those daily needs met (the ones you think or hope will make you happy) without knowing what your deeper need really is, the more sunk and lost you feel. I know. Crap.

How did this all start anyway?
As human beings we come out of the womb with incredibly vulnerable needs; unlike most mammals, we rely 100% on our caregivers for our survival. As we grow, many of our needs are met and, as we all know, many are not. Nothing wrong there… it would be impossible for your every need to have been met. Still, being human, there’s an impact.

From a young age, we develop various strategies to get the unmet needs met. Depending on what needs you had met (or didn’t) begins to tell you something about the strategies you developed. Aha moment alert: You are still using those strategies today. Everywhere. With everyone. Knowingly and unknowingly.

And the real kicker is that most of the time your success strategies (Werner Erhard calls this your “Winning Formula”) really works! Great heights. Awards, accolades and pride. Albeit exhausted. Bummer is, where there are deeper needs not being met, it only works temporarily. Which has you go back for more. Try again. It’s like an addiction. And like an addiction, it’s painful.

Exhibit B
I’ll keep asking (nagging).
I’ll stay on top of my employees, kids, spouse.
I’ll make a list. I’ll control it. I’ll manage.
I’ll surrender and let others do it.
I’ll work hard.
I’ll charm them.
I’ll be competitive. I’ll be better.

Whatever your strategy and no matter how smart you were to create it (and I’ll bet it’s a good one) it will never (read: NEVER) satiate your deep hunger to be secure, loved, safe, not left, held, nurtured, lifted up, supported, taken care of.

Unfortunately, our reptilian brain doesn’t know all this and since we are blind to this pattern, It runs the whole damn show. You keep working your strategy. Daily need temporarily met. Deeper need left empty.

Are you pickin’ up what I’m layin’ down?

It’s kinda sticky to explain—and to boot, your ego doesn’t want you to get this so I’ll say it another way: all that strong, alpha energy is a fantastic cover-up for your truest, deepest, most authentic needs getting met. In fact, I will go so far as to say, being a strong, take-charge kind of woman is likely a strategy for covering up how vulnerable, insecure or exposed you may actually feel.

The Brass (Power) Ring
Simply said: Your neediness is your access to your power. It’s your access to your truest, deepest, most authentic self. Cool, right?

So now what? So now nothing. Seriously. There is nothing to do. (Doing, or fixing is just more strategy, by the way). There is just to BE with this new awareness.
Let it work on you.
Be present to your strategies for success.
Notice when you have a need met but you are still left dissatisfied. What’s under that?
Notice when your wanting to have it all together is actually a cover for your feeling vulnerable.

Just notice. Nothing to even do about any of it just yet. Just notice. Notice. Notice. Notice.

And scene.

Piqued? Want to explore your strategies? Unveil your deeper needs?

Join me and about 8-10 other women at the Restoring Power Organic Retreat, February 18th, 2011. Hear what other women have to say about their initial doubts and end results. Get rested and replenished and lots of 1:1 coaching with me.

Also, stay tuned for a new Premium Coaching Package to hit the scene in the coming weeks. Oooh, I’m excited!

You CAN shift this thing- I am living proof. (Inside voice: “Okay, now I sound like that damn hair loss commercial guy). Oy. Whatever. It works. Come play.

This blog is written by guest blogger, Tara Mohr, writer, personal growth teacher and coach.

I appreciate the term self-care, I really do. I understand the need for some word in our language that means something along these lines.

But that phrase, self-care, has always turned me off. It reminds me of college, where all counseling services were run out of the office of “Mental Hygiene.” I kid you not, that’s what it was called. You walked through a door with a sign that said “Mental Hygiene” at the top.

Self-care, the term, with the little hypen and all, feels too technical, too jargony. It feels like this is something we should do along with a breast self-exam, like posters for both should be side by side on doctors walls, pink explanatory cartoons and all.

In my writing, in my life, in my coaching practice, I’ve invented new terms, new concepts, ones that are more evocative. Ones that feel as sacred and layered and rich as it is to hold ourselves in love, to give ourselves all that will allow us to be safe, to thrive, to fulfill our own happiness.

One of those concepts is The Outer Heart. I’m excited to share it with all of you.

The Outer Heart

All of us receive a heart that holds our wounds and our hopes, but it is up to each of us to make the heart that holds our heart—the outer heart.

The outer heart is a shell, a vessel, a landing pad for all that happens in the heart. It can be soft or hard, pliant or rigid, made of clouds or gravel or nails or emeralds, depending on you.

The outer heart absorbs shocks to the heart–repels or dissolves or amplifies them, depending on what you have built.

All of us are given hearts that are vulnerable to the elements, but we must learn how to make the medicine and balms that rest in our outer hearts.

When your heart feels or speaks or leaps or lunges, how do you receive it? What kind of outer heart have you made?

Of course, the outer heart is always sending a message to the heart about the heart’s value. The outer heart is always saying something to you about who you are.

The outer heart is always where suffering begins, or where it can be circumvented. It’s all about how we hold our hearts.

What is your outer heart like now? A courtroom with judge and jury? An open field, a war zone? A warm blanket providing soft insulation? A carefully woven basket? What is this container porous to and what is protected?

What do you want your outer heart to be? What do you want it to provide?

What would it mean today, to begin to act with that outer heart, the one you desire? To hold all that happens in your heart like you hold a loved one, a cherished one? To bring the wise love you possess to your heart?

Love,

Tara

Tara Mohr is a writer, personal growth teacher and coach who helps people access their own inner wisdom. For more, visit her blog at www.wiselivingblog.com

Let’s reflect, shall we?
A while back I hosted my first Salon in over 6 years- the first Salon ever for Restoring Power. The topic was community and partnership. I opened, as I usually do, with about five to ten minutes of my recent and personal reflections on the topic then I put out a questions to the group: “What words come to mind when you think of community and partnership?” My two words were vulnerable and gratitude.

The community of disconnected women…
As the voices, thoughts and opinions of the women in the room opened like a fine bottle of wine, what became clear was that regardless of the amount of perceived support we have in our world (friends, church, facebook, google, classes, healers) or the more stability (marriage, kids, steady home life, steady work), women are feeling LESS CONNECTED and more isolated than ever.

The masochist part…
From wanting my new business to be successful to living with some level of expectation given the work I do, I am trying to navigate my way through this crazy life in a way that is not only authentic but vulnerable. Why on God’s green earth would I SEEK OUT vulnerability, you ask? Excellent question. The answer is NOT that I am a masochist (at least not in this case anyway). I have said for years that true power lies in vulnerability, grace, courage. That real power is the absence of force. And while I think I’ve done a pretty good, great job at practicing and embodying what I talk about, in the recent past I’ve been hit with a whole new level of learning in this domain. This new level of learning is way vulnerable. Way deep. And way good. It’s making me be a better wife, friend, and practitioner. The vulnerability is making way for my own mastery. I know, cool, right?

What Don Draper and Regina Perata have in common…
What’s vulnerable to one person is not necessarily vulnerable to another. I’m okay with looking bad, I’m GREAT at asking for help (I love it even, because of the growth it brings me), I can receive material gifts or service gifts like a champ. And I can nurture, love, and support my family and friends until the cows come home. But when it comes to allowing others to really contribute deeply, steadily and emotionally to me, on a heart level – well, I run for the hills faster than Don Draper pours his bourbon on a hard day at Sterling Cooper. What do you run from?

Walkin’ my talk…
I’m grateful (ahh, the second word from the Salon) that I chose (and still choose) my work. As I continue to do deeper work with my clients – ask them to look harder, closer into the dark side where it can be scary- I am called to walk my own path right along with them (regardless of how much work I’ve already done this lifetime). There is no rest for the weary; I believe we are called to embody our work at deeper levels as we evolve. And so… I am.

What’s your occupational hazard?
While I sometimes abhor these “occupational hazards” of being a healer-type, I am grateful the work itself demands and calls for me to continue developing myself. I can’t imagine a world where “I’m done” or I don’t “look and see” or worse, where I ask others to do work I’m not willing to do. I love living in a world where the journey ain’t over till it’s over.

And scene.
What words come to mind when you think of community? Partnership? What is your occupational hazard? What and where are you called to keep learning? Think about it. Where do you want to grow? Where do you want mastery? THAT is precisely the place to get vulnerable. Go on, jump in. You know you want to, you masochist you.

By Guest blogger, Dayna Reader

I grew up watching the kind of movies in which couples met, fell in love and lived happily ever after. Love was portrayed as this big, magical feeling; it was out there waiting, you just had to find it and snap it up, and life would be great. I don’t remember seeing a movie that showed these couples dealing with real life issues 2, 10 or 50 years after their Happily Ever After. Try as I might, I can’t imagine Cinderella struggling with post-partum depression or alcoholism, or Prince Charming experiencing job loss or erectile dysfunction. And something tells me that “Belle and The Beast Go to Couples Counseling” or “Snow White Doesn’t Feel Like Having Sex Anymore” wouldn’t sell a lot of tickets.

So we’re raised to search for that perfect fairy tale love, and to believe that loving each other is enough. But loving someone and being successful in a long-term committed relationship are two different things. After 19 years with my own partner, I’ve come to believe that love is necessary, but not sufficient in and of itself to make a relationship last. There was a time in our relationship when, despite the love that existed between us, we just couldn’t connect meaningfully and we found our relationship falling apart. Like many couples, we had our One Big Issue that we couldn’t seem to resolve. So we ended up fighting about it every 6 months or so, which was always incredibly painful for both of us. It took us a long time (and some good therapy) to figure out that on it’s own, all of the love we had for each other wasn’t enough to get us through the really rough spots, or to keep us together. This realization was a huge turning point for us.

Maybe this is what it comes down to: if you’re expecting life and love to be like it is in the fairy tales, you’re going to be disappointed. Falling in love is the beginning, not the end of your story as a couple. Real life intimate relationships that last build on that initial romantic love with friendship, honesty, trust, perseverance, tolerance of each other’s flaws and differences, the ability to see the other person’s perspective as valid (especially when you disagree), the willingness to hold each other up during hard times, the willingness to be vulnerable, and most of all, the choice to continue working on the relationship so that it fulfills both of you for many years.

So if you’re going to stand up together and say “for better or for worse, and ‘til death do us part,” remember what that means. There will be lots and lots of “for better,” but I can guarantee that the “for worse” part will come eventually, and it may come over and over again. That’s when you’ll be called upon to make the choice to hold onto each other. And that choice is much, much bigger than simply loving each other. That choice is everything. That is what Happily Ever After really looks like.

Guest blogger Dayna Reader lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her True Love, 2 great kids and a tabby cat. She’s a full-time Mom, with a part-time private practice as a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, specializing in couples counseling. She can be reached at her website or by email at DaynaReaderLMFT@yahoo.com She hopes that you find your genuine Happily Ever After.