This month marks one year since the official launch of Restoring Power. Whoo hoo! For close to a decade before that, I was a business consultant & coach but after an opportunity to reevaluate my work, my life, my offer to the world, I went back to my roots and am now doing different work all together. Work I love. Work I am meant to be doing. Hallelujah!

It takes a while for one’s business identity to shift, I’m learning. In the last four or five months alone I’ve had at least three requests to do my former consulting work and at least three or four requests for referrals (to other people) for the work that I do today.

Then, I came across this blog post I had book marked from the fabulous Naomi Dunford and realized… perfect. Take a gander and see what you think. Maybe you’ll even play along and write your own?!

The gist? Let people in on the nitty gritty of what you do. No fancy marketing language or spin. Just straight up answer the questions she poses. Make it easy for people to know who you are what you do.

Here’s how to play (in the exact words of Ms. Dunford): 

Go find a cup or glass. Fill it with something.

Copy the questions below into some kind of document.

Stare vacantly into the distance for a while. Check Twitter a couple times. Take the laundry out of the washing machine before it starts getting moldy.

Answer the questions and put them onto your blog with some kind of introductory information.

Click publish.

Eat some cake.

So… here I go. Cuz, you know, I like cake.

What’s your game? What do you do?
I am a counselor/coach/healer type. I work with individuals and couples and groups; mostly women but I love my men. I work:
- in private sessions in my NE Portland office
- 6-8 week evening group sessions
- 3-day organic healing retreats in the woods

I’m interested in people restoring their personal power and being free. I do this by either helping to heal a traumatic past or by supporting them in telling the truth about things they may not want to tell the truth about. I help people understand their shadow side, their dark side; their lower selves. Why? So that they can live in their wholeness- their light, their dark, all of it. We all have a dark side; when we hide it, we only are living half-way, feeling numb or depressed and wondering why. Accessing our dark side allows us to be free, powerful and authentic.

I use Somatics (the idea that the body holds our history and is a living intelligence, in fact, it never lies), along with more traditional types of “talk therapy”, and lastly I occasionally use my intuition and Reiki (energy work)– all to support the overall outcome for my peeps.

Why do you do it? Do you love it, or do you just have one of those creepy knacks?
It took me a long, long time to realize how lucky I am here: I love it AND I have a knack. A gift even. Since I was little, I was helping people get free. I just had to do much of my own personal work to really, fully own it.

Who are your customers? What kind of people would need or want what you offer?
My clients tend to fall into two camps. They are either strong women/leader types or creatives/artists types. Sometimes both. Occasionally neither.

The people who love my work are people who
- feel they are missing something in the way they are living/experiencing their life
- feel anxiety or panic more than they want to
- are having difficulty being related in the way they want to (boss, colleages, lovers, friends)
- feel sad, numb, or depressed but not sure why
- want to increase their personal power and effectiveness

What’s your marketing USP? Why should I buy from you instead of the other losers? (*Reminder: these are Naomi’s words, not mine)
While I have a lifetime of learning ahead of me, I’m really good at what I do (it’s taken some maturing and time to be able to say that). I know this because I’ve done my own work with therapist/healer types and I know what’s out there. I’ve trained with and collaborated with some of the best of the best.

Most important though, my clients have said these things:

- I worked with a therapist for 10 years and I didn’t get at half the stuff we got at in your retreat.
- I’m 45 years old, I’ve done tons of personal work, leadership trainings and yet I never had the
experience of healing the really deep stuff and feeling free until my work with you.
- I just got–in 5 sessions with you–what I tried to get for 5 years with my last therapist.

So, yeah. That’s cool. And humbling, to say the least.

So, why else? Well, I’ve done my work. Once I was interviewing therapists–I interviewed about six total– and I was shocked to learn that the majority of them had been practicing over 20 years and had never seen a therapist themselves. What the ? Is that weird or what? Nor had they looked at their own dark side, healed their relationship with their parents (yes, we all get to do some level of this at some point), or assessed the impact of their super strengths or challenges. Me? I’ve done all that and then some. And I don’t plan to stop. It’s a way of life for me. No joke.

Lastly, there’s nothing I can’t be with. I have an enormous capacity to hold anything; working with people and their dark sides, I’ve seen and heard more than you could probably imagine. By grace, I really get humanity at a very deep level. It’s an honor that I am grateful for every day.

What’s next for you? What’s the big plan?
I love my work. I love my sessions, groups and retreats. I plan to keep doing more of the same there.
I want to be a mama. I’m on that journey. I’ve already learned so much about patience, love, surrender. I’m ready.

Last but certainly not least, in a really big, big picture sort of way… (can’t believe I’m going to write this outloud- gulp), I feel I’m on a path to being a spiritual teacher of sorts. I was reminded recently that the Dalai Lama prophesied it would be Western Women who save the world. If I’m walking my talk, that means it’s not just all those other western women out there (wink); it’s me too.

Time to step up.

Well, we did it. In the February Salon, we took on one of the most complex yet fundamental topics, Love.

Last night’s salon discussion was in fact, lovely and unique. With homemade soup, champagne, pink cupcakes and a quiet fire, I expressed my love for my guests with nurturing, food and warmth. The women were, as always, special, insightful and heartfelt. They shared openly and intimately.

The discussion itself went everywhere from loving our neighbors to rage with our spouse. We talked about what it means to love, our complex relationships with our mothers, being mothers, the vulnerability of receiving love (oy!), and practices for expanding and growing our capacity for love. In the end, we each shared our take-aways. I think it’s fair to say, each one of us was moved and left with a potent insight we didn’t have when we came in to the evening. Yep, we went big. And it was good.

Thank you to all the women who joined in the conversation yesterday evening (special shout out to resident expert, Paula Love). It was simply an amazing evening. I continue to feel so blessed as to have such a rich a life as this. It’s you all who make it that way.

In March, we’ll have a special Salon for women 45 or better. In April we’ll have guest speaker Tara Moher, of Wise Living (Twitter: @tarasophia). She’ll be here from San Francisco to share with us her juicy goodness on making “white space” in our lives. You won’t wanna miss.

My humblest thanks, and of course,
All my love,
regina
xo

I’ve worked with countless powerful women — from executive to artist to athlete — and I can say for certain, we as a group are atrocious at getting our fundamental needs met. Daily needs? No problem. Deep fundamental needs? Not so much. Women—particularly successful, “with-it” women—have an uncanny ability to ignore,
 disable, and deny the needs they are most hungry for.

“But, I know how to delegate!”, you say. Or, “I just do it myself. Gets done better and faster anyway.” Yes, yes. I know. I do! I get it.

Hang in here with me. I think you’re gonna like this. Well, maybe “like” isn’t exactly the right word.

Do you really want what you think you want?
Here’s the thing: at best, we are somewhat blind to what our real needs are. At worst, we are defensive or delusional about our needs. Yep. You heard me. Defensive or delusional. Sometimes both. What we think we need, we may not actually need. And what we really need, we may be blind to.

Exhibit A
We think we need the laundry done.
We think we need our partner to be more involved in the kids life or chores.
We think we need our colleague to pull more of her own weight.
We think we need that person or thing outside of us to just change.
And if we are really enlightened, we even admit that we need to be in control.

And that’s all good. Really. Those things all have a place.

However, ever notice how once those things are done and those needs are met, it’s only an embarrassingly short period of time before the next thing needs doing? And before you have some, let’s say (clears throat), “energy” around it?

Why, pray tell? Because those needs you are asking to get met are not really going to feed you (but your reptilian brain or lower self thinks they will). In fact, you might even be blind to what you are truly hungry for. Kinda like when your body wants good fruits and veggies but you can’t tell because you’ve had so many eggnog lattes that day you wouldn’t know what your body needed if it told you in a neon sign across your forehead? Yeah. Like that.

Here’s the bad news: the more you try to get those daily needs met (the ones you think or hope will make you happy) without knowing what your deeper need really is, the more sunk and lost you feel. I know. Crap.

How did this all start anyway?
As human beings we come out of the womb with incredibly vulnerable needs; unlike most mammals, we rely 100% on our caregivers for our survival. As we grow, many of our needs are met and, as we all know, many are not. Nothing wrong there… it would be impossible for your every need to have been met. Still, being human, there’s an impact.

From a young age, we develop various strategies to get the unmet needs met. Depending on what needs you had met (or didn’t) begins to tell you something about the strategies you developed. Aha moment alert: You are still using those strategies today. Everywhere. With everyone. Knowingly and unknowingly.

And the real kicker is that most of the time your success strategies (Werner Erhard calls this your “Winning Formula”) really works! Great heights. Awards, accolades and pride. Albeit exhausted. Bummer is, where there are deeper needs not being met, it only works temporarily. Which has you go back for more. Try again. It’s like an addiction. And like an addiction, it’s painful.

Exhibit B
I’ll keep asking (nagging).
I’ll stay on top of my employees, kids, spouse.
I’ll make a list. I’ll control it. I’ll manage.
I’ll surrender and let others do it.
I’ll work hard.
I’ll charm them.
I’ll be competitive. I’ll be better.

Whatever your strategy and no matter how smart you were to create it (and I’ll bet it’s a good one) it will never (read: NEVER) satiate your deep hunger to be secure, loved, safe, not left, held, nurtured, lifted up, supported, taken care of.

Unfortunately, our reptilian brain doesn’t know all this and since we are blind to this pattern, It runs the whole damn show. You keep working your strategy. Daily need temporarily met. Deeper need left empty.

Are you pickin’ up what I’m layin’ down?

It’s kinda sticky to explain—and to boot, your ego doesn’t want you to get this so I’ll say it another way: all that strong, alpha energy is a fantastic cover-up for your truest, deepest, most authentic needs getting met. In fact, I will go so far as to say, being a strong, take-charge kind of woman is likely a strategy for covering up how vulnerable, insecure or exposed you may actually feel.

The Brass (Power) Ring
Simply said: Your neediness is your access to your power. It’s your access to your truest, deepest, most authentic self. Cool, right?

So now what? So now nothing. Seriously. There is nothing to do. (Doing, or fixing is just more strategy, by the way). There is just to BE with this new awareness.
Let it work on you.
Be present to your strategies for success.
Notice when you have a need met but you are still left dissatisfied. What’s under that?
Notice when your wanting to have it all together is actually a cover for your feeling vulnerable.

Just notice. Nothing to even do about any of it just yet. Just notice. Notice. Notice. Notice.

And scene.

Piqued? Want to explore your strategies? Unveil your deeper needs?

Join me and about 8-10 other women at the Restoring Power Organic Retreat, February 18th, 2011. Hear what other women have to say about their initial doubts and end results. Get rested and replenished and lots of 1:1 coaching with me.

Also, stay tuned for a new Premium Coaching Package to hit the scene in the coming weeks. Oooh, I’m excited!

You CAN shift this thing- I am living proof. (Inside voice: “Okay, now I sound like that damn hair loss commercial guy). Oy. Whatever. It works. Come play.

Okay. Here’s the deal. I need to come clean with y’all. I’ve been keeping a secret. Yep. A secret.

My wife and I are trying to have a baby. That is to say, I am trying to get pregnant. Phew. There, I said it. Gosh, dang that feels …well, mixed actually.

Reasons I Didn’t Want to Go Public

I’ll get pregnant quickly and then it will be obvious soon enough, after the first trimester!
Truth: That was 5 years ago.

It’s important to have professional boundaries. Nobody in business wants to hear these kinds of personal issues.
Truth: People want what’s real. When I started this new business, Restoring Power, I did it so that I could be me in all ways; magenta hair, cuss words and sharing freely. I promised myself authenticity and freedom. The line of that “professional boundary” is no longer in the same place as it was before. Re-assessing is a good thing.

People will ask me all the time, ‘Are you pregnant yet? Are you pregnant yet?’ and it will drive me crazy.
Truth: This whole process drives me crazy. People asking me this question is the least of it. Sometimes it feels great and sometimes feels bad and I never know which it’s gonna be. See? Crazy.

People will start acting weird around us, especially if they have babies.
Truth: Some people act weird around us anyway. We’re gay- apparently it comes with the territory.

People will bombard me with intensely personal questions that they would never ask a straight couple who needed a little outside support getting knocked up.
Truth: Acquaintances, colleagues, and strangers have been asking these crazy-ass questions for the last five years now anyway. Turns out, it’s not always easy to keep this secret (like in the case of having to decline getting x-rays at the dental office: yes, while sitting in the chair I got “drilled” about whether I am doing vaginal or uterine inseminations).You can either drop your jaw or laugh outloud now. Either would be appropriate.

I Get It
Obnoxious as it is, I get it. Let’s face it, it can be a curious topic given my wife and I don’t have a man in the picture and two women having a baby out and open is still kinda new in the big, big scheme of things. So, I get why people ask. And almost always, I’m game to either educate or set my boundary. But sometimes, I just don’t wanna set my boundary or answer those highly personal questions (100 times- in public). Sometimes I lose my patience. Sometimes I get exhausted.

It Grew
Whats worse is that the longer I kept the“We are trying to get pregnant” secret, it turned into the, “We have struggled enormously in getting pregnant”. Which seemed like an even bigger, more important secret to keep.

The Price I’ve Paid
The impact of keeping these two super-secrets was that I was totally blocked in my writing, blogging, sharing freely, and connecting with YOU.

At first I wasn’t clear what was happening. It just seemed to me like I was too busy with the new business, no time and all. Then I told myself that it was because I’m not a writer and it takes me a month to do just one post. Then I came up with a great solution to that little problem; I decided to video-blog. What? I have to learn all the technicalities of how to do a video blog? I’m too busy! Crap. Full circle. Eventually, my reasons became absurd, even to me, and so I consciously went to work on it.

And the Light Shone Down
What occurred to me was (said in my very best Carrie Bradshaw voice):
Am I keeping the secret, or is the secret keeping me? (Insert SATC theme music)

The answer was painfully clear.

Since I’m dealing with all those original concerns anyway (despite my best efforts to protect myself from them) and I’m paying a big price for keeping this secret, I might as well just out with it. It’s been too long and too painful a journey not to (don’t ask, please- just surmise, okay?).

Flow, Baby. Flow.
This stuff I espouse works. It’s like freakin’ magic. You hide or keep a secret, you block flow. You let it out into the light, you get your groove on steady and sure. Me? I was blocked big-time thanks to my super secret-keeping skills. When I made the choice to come clean, I instantly felt free. It really was like magic. Since then? Flow baby, flow. Everything from my writing, to new business ideas, to my effectiveness with clients, I’m in flow.

So, there is it. My not-so-little, but actually not-that-big-of-a-deal secret.

Until soon,
big love.
regina
xo

P.S. No, I am not pregnant. That I know of anyway. But, I am hoping I am, or will be soon. Yes, we inseminated (for the umpteenth time). No, I will not tell you what that’s like. Well, maybe actually. But likely only over a nice bourbon (which I hope not to be able to drink for a long time). For now, we wait. We hope. We pray that this time it works. What’s different this time is that I’m out and I’m free. You can ask me how I am, wish me well or send me love. I’ll take it all. Just promise me that you’ll think twice before you ask me one of those crazy-ass questions that might not be your bidness, k? K.

Let’s reflect, shall we?
A while back I hosted my first Salon in over 6 years- the first Salon ever for Restoring Power. The topic was community and partnership. I opened, as I usually do, with about five to ten minutes of my recent and personal reflections on the topic then I put out a questions to the group: “What words come to mind when you think of community and partnership?” My two words were vulnerable and gratitude.

The community of disconnected women…
As the voices, thoughts and opinions of the women in the room opened like a fine bottle of wine, what became clear was that regardless of the amount of perceived support we have in our world (friends, church, facebook, google, classes, healers) or the more stability (marriage, kids, steady home life, steady work), women are feeling LESS CONNECTED and more isolated than ever.

The masochist part…
From wanting my new business to be successful to living with some level of expectation given the work I do, I am trying to navigate my way through this crazy life in a way that is not only authentic but vulnerable. Why on God’s green earth would I SEEK OUT vulnerability, you ask? Excellent question. The answer is NOT that I am a masochist (at least not in this case anyway). I have said for years that true power lies in vulnerability, grace, courage. That real power is the absence of force. And while I think I’ve done a pretty good, great job at practicing and embodying what I talk about, in the recent past I’ve been hit with a whole new level of learning in this domain. This new level of learning is way vulnerable. Way deep. And way good. It’s making me be a better wife, friend, and practitioner. The vulnerability is making way for my own mastery. I know, cool, right?

What Don Draper and Regina Perata have in common…
What’s vulnerable to one person is not necessarily vulnerable to another. I’m okay with looking bad, I’m GREAT at asking for help (I love it even, because of the growth it brings me), I can receive material gifts or service gifts like a champ. And I can nurture, love, and support my family and friends until the cows come home. But when it comes to allowing others to really contribute deeply, steadily and emotionally to me, on a heart level – well, I run for the hills faster than Don Draper pours his bourbon on a hard day at Sterling Cooper. What do you run from?

Walkin’ my talk…
I’m grateful (ahh, the second word from the Salon) that I chose (and still choose) my work. As I continue to do deeper work with my clients – ask them to look harder, closer into the dark side where it can be scary- I am called to walk my own path right along with them (regardless of how much work I’ve already done this lifetime). There is no rest for the weary; I believe we are called to embody our work at deeper levels as we evolve. And so… I am.

What’s your occupational hazard?
While I sometimes abhor these “occupational hazards” of being a healer-type, I am grateful the work itself demands and calls for me to continue developing myself. I can’t imagine a world where “I’m done” or I don’t “look and see” or worse, where I ask others to do work I’m not willing to do. I love living in a world where the journey ain’t over till it’s over.

And scene.
What words come to mind when you think of community? Partnership? What is your occupational hazard? What and where are you called to keep learning? Think about it. Where do you want to grow? Where do you want mastery? THAT is precisely the place to get vulnerable. Go on, jump in. You know you want to, you masochist you.